How Not to Be Cynical About Valentine’s Day

Sarah Dimpengi has been single for the past four years. But on Feb. 14, she plans to decorate her apartment with pink, red and white balloons and invite friends over for cherry margaritas and heart-shaped pizzas.

Though Ms. Dimpengi, 25, used to get dispirited about being single around the holiday, her feelings have evolved since ending a yearlong relationship.

“I just kind of started appreciating people around me more and appreciating myself for showing up every day for me,” she said.

Ms. Dimpengi, a marketing and communications coordinator in Ottawa, reframed her perspective on Valentine’s Day as a time to display such gratitude. This year, she also plans to take herself to a pottery class and meet up with her three sisters to gift them tops that she crocheted.

Not all singles spend Valentine’s Day in despair while scrolling through social media posts of couples showering each other with roses and affection. While television and films often depict the holiday as a dreaded day for some of the uncoupled, others have embraced the day with hopefulness about future romantic prospects, while also celebrating other forms of love in their life.

Cahleb Derry has spent only one Valentine’s Day with a romantic partner, and he has naturally dissociated the holiday from its romantic associations.

“I think it’s so important to ‘date’ your friends,” said Mr. Derry, 26. For Mr. Derry, a marketing manager and music curator in Brooklyn, Valentine’s Day is about “creating time to be with people I love, and it can be agnostic to romance. It can be platonic. It can be familial.” He plans to meet friends throughout the weekend for dinners and parties. And every year, his mother sends him a warm text message.

Cynthia Tavard has never been in a romantic relationship, but her favorite Valentine’s Day tradition is to spend the day watching romantic comedies with friends and family while snacking on chocolate-covered strawberries.

Ms. Tavard, a 24-year-old sales associate at a merchandise store in Union City, N.J., said that during this time of year, she sees the barrage of items marketed toward couples, including his-and-hers T-shirts. She said she rejects the commodification of love, but she embraces the celebration of it.

And though she said she would like to be in a romantic relationship, she’s not willing to sacrifice her health and happiness for someone who is not the right fit. “I have seen people — fictional and in real life — get into really toxic relationships,” she said. “I’d rather be single than be with someone who’s going to disturb my personal peace.”

She added: “I just always feel like my time will come. As long as I’m open to it, it will come.”

According to Sarah Hensley, a relationship coach in Lexington, Ky., who has studied the science of attachment for about 20 years, people who display optimism are more likely to attain their desired outcomes.

“If we feel like love is out there, and that the possibility for a healthy, loving and sustained relationship can come our way,” she said, “we are more likely to find it.” Beliefs and attitudes tend to lend themselves to behavior and outcomes.

“When we’re a hopeful romantic, we’re probably more likely to behave in ways that are going to promote connection,” Dr. Hensley added. “We’re more likely to talk to people when we’re out and about and strike up conversations that could lead to a connection.”

The journey to being optimistic about love without depending on the validation of a romantic partner, particularly for those who have been unlucky with dating, begins with developing a loving relationship with self.

Mr. Derry, who has been on that journey, learned to challenge his feelings of jealousy or bitterness that would sometimes arise when seeing couples celebrate the holiday. “If you’re manifesting a relationship, I think that positive energy and not being bitter can help you get there,” Mr. Derry said.

Now, he said he enjoys scrolling through Instagram and seeing couples from high school who are still together or learning that an old friend is in a new relationship.

But still, yearning for a partner is a normal feeling. Though Ms. Tavard considers herself an optimist, she does have moments where she wishes she had someone to watch a flick with. “I’m human,” she said.

Madison Sheeren, a 26-year-old business development supervisor, has stopped running away from this truth, particularly as she reads “Communion: The Female Search for Love” by bell hooks.

Until she has a romantic partner, Ms. Sheeren said, “I will continue to focus on myself and enjoy what life looks like as a single woman in her 20s.”

Ms. Sheeren, who moved to Brooklyn from Houston in August, said that the cynicism around dating doesn’t necessarily always escape her: “People weren’t lying when they said the New York dating scene was rough out here.”

So, she took a monthlong break from dating to remind herself of all the ways she can love herself and others. Now, she said she feels “a lot more optimistic,” about dating again.