A Love Worth an Early Retirement and a Cross-Country Move

Dr. Raymond Joseph Parungao and Andrew Chih-Hao Chen were attracted to each other the instant their eyes locked.

It was Feb. 28, 2010, and they were at the gay bar the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif.

“The music was loud, but it faded away as I stared at Andrew,” Dr. Parungao said.

“I saw Ray, and time just stopped,” Mr. Chen said. “I was like, ‘Who is this?’ I had to find out more.”

The two, who were there with mutual friends, got drinks, headed to a quiet corner and started talking. They parted ways around midnight and made plans for a date three days later, again at the Abbey.

Dr. Parungao, 55, was the first to arrive. “My heart was beating fast as I waited for Andrew,” he said. “I hadn’t stopped thinking about him since we met.”

That evening made it clear that their mutual desire was intense and authentic. They chatted for hours about their families, upbringings and shared love of travel. “We talked about everything and nothing and could have chatted for days,” said Mr. Chen, 37. “By the end of the night, we were talking about vacationing together and even starting a family.”

The following month, they exchanged rings as a symbol of their commitment, and eight months after meeting, Mr. Chen moved into Dr. Parungao’s West Hollywood condominium.

At the time, Mr. Chen was working as a branch manager for a bank in Los Angeles, but had dreams of being a hairstylist. In September 2013 he did some work at New York Fashion Week, “and after that experience, what New York offered me professionally was calling me,” Mr. Chen said. “I decided to move.”

Dr. Parungao was working as a pediatric intensive care doctor at Kaiser Permanente in Los Angeles and his contract made relocating a challenge. The two split amicably, and in October 2013, Mr. Chen left for Manhattan. “I wanted Andrew to be free to follow his passion and didn’t want him to feel the burden of a long-distance relationship,” Dr. Parungao said.

They remained close and continued to chat daily. In June 2016, they rekindled their romance when Dr. Parungao visited Mr. Chen and the two attended the Pride parade. “We were dancing to Kylie Minogue who was performing ‘All the Lovers’ at the concert on the pier, and all I could do was stare at Ray,” Mr. Chen said. “We kissed and knew that there was no being apart.”

They decided to try bicoastal dating, with each taking turns flying to see the other two to three weekends a month. Marriage was in the cards. “We had talked about it early on in our relationship but never discussed how or when,” Dr. Parungao said.

They became engaged in September 2016 while on a trip to Iceland with Mr. Chen’s mother, Patty Chen, to celebrate her 60th birthday.

The trio took an evening bus tour through the countryside near Reykjavik to see the northern lights. When they stopped alongside a field, Dr. Parungao asked Mr. Chen, with Ms. Chen looking on, if he would marry him. “We did a three-way hug and cried underneath the lights,” Mr. Chen said.

[Click here to binge read this week’s featured couples.]

Dr. Parungao, who grew up in Conyers, Ga., has a bachelor’s degree in the history of science from Johns Hopkins University and a master’s degree in public health from George Washington University. He holds a medical degree from Howard University.

Mr. Chen is from Diamond Bar, Calif., and works as a freelance hairstylist at the Stephen Knoll salon in New York. He has a bachelor’s degree in business management from Pepperdine University and studied hairdressing at Santa Monica College. He is now in his final year in a graduate program in environmental science at The New School.

After their engagement, they continued their bicoastal lives, except during Covid, when Mr. Chen was without a job and moved to Los Angeles for two years.

But by 2024, after they returned to their bicoastal relationship, living apart was wearing on both. “I took Kaiser’s early retirement package and moved to New York in February to be with Andrew full time,” Dr. Parungao said.

They now reside in Long Island City, Queens, and are in the process of having a child through a surrogate. “It’s such a sense of relief,” Mr. Chen said. “We can go on spontaneous walks together or grab lunch without everything being preplanned.”

On Feb. 28, 15 years after first meeting, Mr. Chen and Dr. Parungao were married by Yanfang Chen, an officiant at the Manhattan City Clerk’s office, with their parents as witnesses.

After the ceremony, they did a photo shoot at City Hall Park and took a Zumba dance class. That evening, the couple celebrated with 70 family members and friends at the Chinese restaurant Shan in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn.

“We danced, we cried, we cheered, we toasted,” Mr. Chen said.