Emily Maynard Feels ‘Paralyzed at 18 Forever’ After Fiance’s Death

Emily Maynard Johnson revealed that part of her is frozen in time following the death of her fiancé Ricky Hendricks — even though it’s been two decades since his passing.

“20 years. How did this even happen?” Maynard Johnson, 38, wrote via Instagram on Thursday, October 24 — the anniversary of Hendricks’ death. “It’s so strange to have a specific marker in time that completely changed my life and soul forever.”

The former Bachelorette shared a black-and-white photo of the couple staring into each other’s eyes while she reminisced about their love story and its tragic end in the post’s caption.

“I look at pictures and don’t even recognize that girl anymore, no matter how much I wish I could,” Maynard Johnson continued. “In one hand I feel like I’ve changed so much and then in the other, that I’ve been paralyzed at age 18 forever.”

She revealed there are “so many things” she “can’t wait” to tell Hendricks when they meet again. “I can’t wait for him to meet my Tyler,” Maynard Johnson wrote, referring to her husband, Tyler Johnson, whom she wed in June 2014.

“I know they’ll love each other, and that Ricky is so grateful for how well he has taken care of his girls,” she added, referring to her and Hendrick’s daughter, who is now 19. “Thank you, God, for letting me be a part of his life and for allowing me the gift of being loved by him.”

Maynard Johnson was just a teenager when she got engaged to Hendricks, a NASCAR racer. Hendricks died in October 2004 during an airplane accident at the age of 24.

After her fiancé’s death, the reality star discovered that she was pregnant with Hendrick’s child. Their daughter, Josephine Riddick — whom she calls Ricki — was born in June 2005.

Maynard Johnson gained notoriety when she competed on season 15 of The Bachelor. While she won the season and got engaged to Brad Womack, the pair split in summer 2011. Maynard Johnson became the lead on season 8 of The Bachelorette and got engaged to Jef Holm, but they called it quits in October 2012.

Once off the show, Maynard Johnson found her forever love with Johnson, who happens to share a birthday with her late fiancé.

“April 2nd used to be a day of sadness for me, as it’s the birthday of Ricki’s dad and it would remind me of all the celebrations his family and I missed out on,” Maynard Johnson wrote via Instagram in April 2018. “But because of God’s redemptive love, I’m able to celebrate on this day again.”

She continued, “On our first date when Tyler told me his birthday I felt in that moment, as crazy as it sounds, God sitting in Heaven smiling at me. Now, 5 years later, he is absolutely nothing short of the best thing that’s ever happened in my life.”

Maynard Johnson shares five children with her spouse: sons Jennings, 9, Gibson, 8, Gaitlin, 6, and Jones, 2, and daughter Magnolia, 4.